Sunday, April 27, 2008

On irritation levels

(Originally penned in march)
I thought today I’d count to see how many things irritated me. Therefore getting an idea of whether I need to change something in my life I decided to rate my irritation level on a scale of 10.
Whilst playing with the bairn this morning I was watching happy days on the box. The prog starts, a couple of minutes later 4 minutes of ads. Then another break for 6 minutes, then another 6 minute break just before the end of the program and then, this is the irritating part, the last 30 seconds then another mega ad break. I rarely watch tv but when I do the result is always the same – extreme irritation. (Irritation level - 9)
Guests who had booked in for this easter weekend, cancelled. We usually take a deposit, this time we didn’t. We fall for it every time. Bastards. God I hate humanity sometimes (Irritation level -8)
The wee’un is home from play school today because it closes down for one week at Easter. Why? Though it is a play school it is also a service. What purpose does closing it down for a week serve when parents are not usually at home? The Italians only get Monday off but the school is closed Thursday to Thursday. (Irritation level – 9)
The wee’un had a temperature on Tuesday. On Wednesday she didn’t. But we sent her to her granny rather than the playschool just to be sure. Then I discovered that, if a child leaves the playschool with a temperature and doesn’t come in the next day, for whatever reason, you need a doctors’ certificate to allow her to go back to school. This means I have to take her to a waiting room full of ill people, chicken pox, mumps, herpes, plague, rabies and subject her to possible contagion just to get a certificate to say she is well. This is irritation on a grand scale. (Irritation level –10)
So I phoned up the pediatrician. I can go between 9 and 11, it was 9.45 at the time or between 4 and 6. So I spent ten minutes rigging up the fence to keep the dog in (she has the run of the balcony and a very big room sized dog paddock to run in) then cleaned all the cat hairs off the 4x4 push chair, loaded wee’un into it, couldn’t find hat (Irritation level - 1) so used hood and set off down along the track. Dog went apeshit. Howled, whined, whinnied every pathetic noise that a dog can make thing. (Irritation level - 2) Weather cold and cloudy with sunny intervals. Decided to cut down through the field to photograph the primroses and wood anemones. The field is grazed by cows so is a little pock marked. Tough going for a 4x4 three-wheeler buggy. We are quite high up overlooking the village so everything is of course down hill or up hill. Just got down to the primroses and found I had left my camera at home. Too difficult to push buggy up hill. Exclaimed ‘sod it’ out loud. (Irritation level - 1). Walked down hill across the field and out onto the road, through the cow wood and again out into the road down and down and down for 30 minutes or so and just stopped to look at a rock carving that someone had included into a wall when dog arrived. Wet and panting and without collar, which is not her fault because she doesn’t really even own one. (Irritation level – 10 going on 11). So after teaching some English swear words to any Italians in the immediate area, turned to go back home. ( Irritation level - 8) pushing heavy buggy up hill. Sun comes out (Irritation level - 8-9) and it gets very warm all of a sudden. Try to kick dog. Miss. ( Irritation level - 2) It is now twenty to eleven no way can I get to the pediatricians on time to get certificate. Trudge slowly up hill pushing leaden buggy and obese baby (not really) with buggy veering to right as have got one more or less flat tyre. Just turned onto the gravel road, going the long way round to avoid going up the field again, and what do I see, bloody great herd of roe deer. They could have kept your prehistoric hunter in meat all summer if it wasn’t for the blow fly and the maggots. There must have been at least 6 of them (which for roe deer here is a bloody herd). We see the blighters every other day. One. Sometimes two maybe even three, every other day!! But when we load the camera or vidcam into the car they can disappear for weeks. We have been at the house for 5 years now and have not a single decent photo of them. Today was no exception. They know that I haven’t go the camera because the don’t run away. They just stand staring daring me to flail my arms and go Aaaaarrgh!!. Woozle flails arms and screams Aaaaargh! Baby cries. Despite all the screaming, just round the next corner 3 buzzards another grey bird of prey, which I have seen before but haven’t yet identified. Two buzzards flew off one stayed put daring me to flail etc. Didn’t fall for it this time. (Irritation level – still 5 though) Nasty, evil little runt of a neighbour passes in car. (Irritation level - 6) bathing me in dust. Returned home. Bairn ate. At playschool apparently she sleeps just after lunch for a couple of hours usually. Today, not a hope. Spent 30 minutes rocking her in her indoor pushchair. Eventually went to sleep. But has a nasty cough so expected her to wake up quite quickly. Didn’t though and slept for a couple of hours. Just after my lunch, of rice and seitan whizzed up in the wok, started to feel my shins clamming up. I normally spend most of my day walking about but never on flat surfaces. Any real walking I do is always on woods or fields. The walk down on the tarmac obviously employed muscles I never use when strolling around normally. This happened 4 or 5 months ago to when I walked down to the station. I could hardly walk for 2 or 3 days after. Just shows you how bad tarmac can be for your tootsies. (Irritation level - 3)
Set off for the pediatrician again at 3.30. Dog nowhere in sight. She was with my neightbour who lobs sticks for her. She loves him more than me (God don’t you just hate treacherous hounds?!). A westerly wind was blowing and I was heading west so I snuck along the road like a snukker (here irritation level reaches 9 due to the fact that Word in which I am writing this, changes snukker into snooker. I don’t want bloody snooker. I want snukker, can I not be free to choose? thoughts of the hate harboured for XP designers bumps level up to almost 10+) and cut across up wind then my neighbour saw me and sent the dog after me (Irritation level - 10). I was prepared for this eventuality and had collar and lead in buggy. Got quite a way down again and discovered that pushing a three-wheeler buggy with semi flat tyre, on a windy day with a mad hound pulling on a lead was almost impossible. So with heavy heart I turned round and headed for home…again. (Irritation level – 6). Shut the dog, with a great deal of satisfaction, in the furnace byre. Did leave the light on though. Then I set off for the final time. When I got to the pediatrician the receptionist was not receiving. She wasn’t even there so I had to sit in a waiting room full of ill kids trying not to be nasty and at the same time making sure they stayed far away from us with all their horrible germs. Then after 10 minutes the receptionist came in with a cup of coffee and before I had a chance to say anything shot into the surgery with the coffee. Another ten minutes later she emerged and gave me the cert. By this time my irritation level had reached…(Irritation level – 10).This evening I took a liter of milk out of the fridge opened the new screw top positioned half way down the side (bastards, I hope they drown in their useless-plastic pollution) and spilt most of it all over the clean glasses that the loving wife had just finished washing up.( Irritation level – 6 at the milk company). Baby’s bottle leaked, for the second time, all over the floor. (Irritation level - 2). Doing spell check windows XP refuses to accept British English as a known language and will only use American English (Irritation level –12 – daily occurrence). I’m now going to have a relaxing bath and watch some more of a CD about standing stones and go to bed. Nothing else I hope will stimulate irritation. Reflecting on the results - a few tens, a twelve and two nines in seventeen hours. This is not bad. I haven’t broken anything, I have I admit, attempted to kick the dog but I have not reached levels of self mutilation or hair pulling frustration. Quite a positive result I feel. On second trip down took photos of primroses and anemones

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