Monday, June 30, 2008


Today I have started a diet. I’ve put on 2 kilos in 4 days. It’s the wife’s fault. She keeps organizing barbecues. This is fun; good company, light jovial banter, a bit of wine, plenty of good food and whisky or grappa, earth and dog hairs all over the patio. The problems lies with the wife’s choice of meat. Wild boar. Lot of fat on boar but it has a most excellent taste so it’s easy to wolf it down. She goes to the market in Turin and comes back with thirteen and a half kilos of boar meat, boar spare ribs, boar cutlets, boar chops and then of course boar sausage with herbs to divide amongst 18. That would have been ok but we had people up for a barby on Saturday AND on Sunday that means double rations of meat double rations of wine and tomatoes and cake and ice cream and quadruple rations of an ENOrMOUS water melon! I have a stomach that resembles the water melon I ate so much of, though it is not green or particularly stripy. I even had water melon for brekker which really is at the limit of human breakfast decency. With two wooden spoons you could play a resounding William tell overture on my tum as it is. My body is out of control, 82 kilos of muscle, sinew, bone and lard. So it’s got to go. Down to 76 which should be my ideal weight. If I jumped off a wall today my kneecaps would pop out. So as from tomorrow no more of anything nice, no cool cokes, no ice cream, not cans of ikea pear cider (what?!! No! sod that, the diet is off). The trouble is after eating kilos of meat and a whole bottle of coke and tomatoes and…. I was STILL hungry. It’s not natural. So it’s got to go. How am I ever going to get a lover with such rotundity? As an object my stomach is quite nice, harmonious even, it’s just in the setting of the ret of my bod that is seems a little out of proportion.

Doing the amount of physical work I do, I’ll probably be fainting all over the place but should burn off lots of calories which MIGHT speed things up. Plus it’s summer so I’ll sweat some of it off. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, never having had to diet for weight in my life but I’m not not looking forward to it either.

I once read, though I can’t remember where, that the best way to diet was eat what you liked but always get up from the table still with a slight sensation of hunger. Three men in a boat I think it might have been or three men on a bummel. That sounds like very good advice but very difficult. So I’ll try that but remove all the usual stuff too. Just recently I’ve been drinking coffee (which I take with sugar and milk) instead of tea (which I don’t) so it’s back to tea. The hardest thing is going to be the water. Hate water. Vile stuff. But water it has to be. So far today I have drunk a liter of tap water. No signs of stomach decreasing so far.


Becca said...

If you hate water why not add a little fruit juice to it. Either neat from the fruit, like lemon orange or lime, or a touch of high juice. That way you dont get the nastiness of plain water so much and still keep your fluids up

You will probably see a slight weight increase for the first week or so as your body bloats from the extra water but that settles down quick.

Sounds like youre doing all the right stuff just keep it steady. And try and add some extra exercise in there somewhere if possible

Good Luck (Arianwen from UKP)

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I'm really qualified to advise, being one of those awful people who is at an ideal weight, doesn't put any on, and has been like that for the last - oooh, 30-odd years! If I'm asked how I do it, I say the same things: I eat a big breakfast (usually something like 3 weetabix and a mug of tea (yes, with sugar), I eat lunch, I eat a relatively light tea, and I don't snack. Not in a self-denying staring in starving misery at a cake and flagellating myself but I just never think about it. Sure I'll have the occasional bit of chocolate, packet of crisps etc, but I don't beat myself up over it. Maybe that's part of the trick, I just don't really think about food that much - my day doesn't revolve around it. I'm too busy. I keep active. And I drink lots of water - which I've read, coincidentally, fills you up if you drink a big glass before you eat.

Which is something to bear in mind actually - it's easy to mistake hunger for thirst - make sure you've always got something to drink - you'll probably find that it stops you thinking about food if you're drinking.

Good luck though hon, I have to say that it's easy for me to say how I keep slim but I think if I lived in Italy I'd soon end up the size of a house - and given I'm nearly 6' tall, that wouldn't be a pretty sight...!

Pomon Auk

Anonymous said...

I'm back from Ireland aren't you lucky :p Firstly I am going to complain then sympathise lol

Firstly you lucky B******d, what a way to put weight on! So you'll get no real sympathy from me lol I have managed to put 2 stone on in a month thanks to new pills!

Now for the sympathy, kinda, I have never had to diet either, after having each kid the weight fell off, even after the 5 month old! But no some doctor insists on trying a drug on me that he doubts will work but he has to try adn Viola, I'm a lard arse.
As for the water Yuck!! hate the stuff too nothing makes it better even adding fruit juice etc. I have been drinking pepsi max since being pregnant with my eldest when some helpful midwife gave me a can when nothing they tried stopped me being sick, next day I was off the drip and out of hospital, no more being sick, yes I know it's sickly sweet and full of really bad sweetners etc but hey, choice i am willing to live with :p

A good friend of mine used water as a quick weightloss when needed, 2 litres a day for a week, half stone gone every time. I just don't think I have perseverence for dieting. Good luck with yours, you might have better luck and inspire me. :D

Woozle said...

thanks for replies. Weeeeelll..... Interesting experience! Yesterday's menu was one croissant, 110g pizza, 1 apple, 200g rice, 50g boiled fish, one yoghurt... and that's it plus hard graft hodding bricks and cement all day under a baking sun. I feel like somebeody has blown a balloon up in my stomach. But, i don't know why but i'm down to 78kg this morning. The wife checked it too so it's not my eyes. Drinking lots of the W word with fresh lemon but i sweat is out in a flash hence no initial weight gain presumabily.
(dieting with pepsi! Now that i could get into). I have always been like Pomona until one year i spent a month eating and doing nothing in england and put on a paunch and it has never go away. So i'm sort of treating this as a 'me' experiment.
Am i ever going to get there or am i going to give it up? Early days but fascinating seeing how much you can actually do physically with an empty stomach without keeling over.
Just goes to show how much you can eat without it being necessary. I am lucky though because i do an intensly physical job so no need for the gymn. The wife has also put two crunchies in the fridge which doesn't help but i-will-resist.
cheers ladies.
..wanders off dreaming about pepsi.